Ashrama Dharma in the Vedic tradition
Lecture by Dheera Chaitanya
Each society has its own idea of how people should live and interact with each other and live with others. In the Vedic Tradition this idea is also present. It is to maintain a certain degree of harmony. Is this topic still relevant? We are more modern now. Things evolve. Knowledge keeps growing.
But when it comes to do with oneself. How much has changed since 1000’s of years ago.
Valmiki wrote the Ramayan. He asked Narada who strides many worlds, is there a person who has gunas like right and wrong, is strong is a dharmagyani. Who is able to translate knowledge into actions? He is Satyavan. He is a man of resolve. People like to relate to him. People do not like to deal with people who are pains. He is not a victim of his own emotions. Someone who is non reactive, has conquered his anger and envy. All these qualities put together a person.
The positive qualities in a person have not changed so the age old Dharma Shastras are still relevant. Dharma Shastra is a manual on how to live ones life on a personal level and in society. Human behavior is not self operating. Animals like monkeys have behavior that is self operating. There confrontations are to do with creating a hierarchy.
Human beings have a freedom of choice, so certain guidelines are important for behavior. Animals are preprogrammed we are not. We are not born with a capacity to make good choices. But the time we are ready to figure it out we are usually too old. Therefore we need an instruction manual. The manual also tells us about the purpose of life. We need to improve on our environment. Scriptures help discover meaning in life.
Syambhu (Manu) tells his son to became a grashatha and take on the life of a householder. But his son is more spiritual and not interested in the mundane world. A jeeva is born to experience the world, in birth and death. You are born to do Karma and experience the karma of past actions, through sukha and dukha. The jagat manifests and everyone is subject to it, including myself Brahma and lord Shiva. In the process he grows and learns.
How we view human experience is different in east and west.
I am born and what relationship do I have with others. Freedom is the final end. Another way of looking at human experience is more western. The bigger scheme is here, I am a participant. The world has been created for human consumption. Whatever there is in the world, since humans are the most evolved its all here for my consumption. I have to consume, subjugate, conquer and use. I have to change my environment to suit my needs. Consumption is not just eating, but also includes enjoyment. I protect my right to enjoy them. If I was concerned about sanctity of animals, I would not protect one and eat another. End result to give oneself time to enjoy. So much available, but my capacity to enjoy is limited.
How am I going to experience this world? Live purely a consumer based on likes and dislikes (Raga Dvesha). Or am I part of a larger picture. Or do I like a non consumer oriented life.
The Vedas are a body of knowledge complied in 4 different sections, basically saying the same thing.
There is another body of knowledge called Vedantagas- consisting of phonetics, grammar, miter, etymology, know how of performing rituals, astrology.
Sutra is a brief cryptic statement.
Values are mentioned in Kalpa Sutras
Dharma Sutras talk in detail about individual conduct, as members of a society and family.
Dharma shastras is a body of knowledge that deals with conduct and behavior on a personal level for the purpose of helping me do things.
At the end of life we should have a sense of resolution or fulfillment.
The tradition has a vision of human beings achieving this freedom. The goal is the basis of my very existence, and I can live my life as an expression of that fulfillment and contentment. The path is hard, and the process becames an expression of the actualization of the goal. Dharma does not become a shackle but creates a harmony about my existence. This is the subject matter.
Many books are written by Rishis or Smriti’s eg Manusmiriti. There are 18 Smritis available, each emphasize different elements.
In addition to that we have in India regional Smritis based on culture. Nibandagranthas.
How did the rules and regulations come about?
Are they like driving rules?
The rishis asked Vyasa. He said I studied it from my father.
He says these dharmas are the same as the ones in previous Yugas Centuries. At the end of KalYuga they go away. Only Brahma will remember these rules. Manifest of the unmanifest and the manifested again. You either work with harmony with it or against it, that is your choice.
This is how the whole idea of dharma and adharma is understood. Ultimately the right and wrong is connected to the vision of the Vedas and with which our whole life is connected.
Why is it necessary to live a life of dharma?
Growth is an important thing, physical growth does not insure cognitive growth. Cognitive growth does not insure emotional growth. Because I am informed and intelligent Emotional growth does not insure spiritual growth. One does not insure that the other will be there. In the Vedic vision living with spiritual values helps you lead a good life towards freedom or moksha. Yoga shashtra is a life of discipline and study. This leads to freedom of sansara and janama. The sansar binds you as a consumer, draws you in and binds you in. If you recognize karma, janma also becomes bondage. Dharma is duty.
What duties are expected of me as a person. They vary depending on the human being. But there are some general prescriptions. These are grouped under Varna and Ashrama Dharma.
Varna is explained as caste. Based on inner qualities and work that you do.
Ashrama dharma is a stage of growth. Depending on your age your requirements are different. By performing the duties, a person becomes a mature person. There are some universal values that are within the context of dharma. Truthfulness is a universal value. As is not hurting each other. First stage is pre marriage Brahmacharya. Before 7 he lives according to his natural instinct, as he wishes he eats talks etc. Not liable for his actions. It takes about 14 years for a person to mature. Emphasis is on study and being a student.
After age of 7 kids realize intent. Also at this stage it’s a life of austerity. Some degree of mastery over likes and dislikes comes later with the practice of austerity now. Service to teachers and parents with emphasis on prayers. This is a learning period. Secular and religious education. Secular education teaches you how to pursue artha karma (securities and pleasure). Religious education is for the weekend here. In the Vedic tradition everything is sacred. The spiritual pervades the secular. Your artha karma has to be in the rubric of the spiritual. It cannot be isolated from a through understanding of write and wrong. They are learning to negotiate there identity in the world.
We can recognize it by understanding how to use today. What is priority what is not as a parent one has to decide? Help your child negotiate through the system. Give your child clear messages. This cannot be separated from a person’s life. After completing brahmacharya education he comes back, with a good sense of dharma. And is ready to embark on a new phase of life.
He should not remain in no mans land. He should continue study or live a life of a householder.
One phase prepares you for the second phase of development. If there are problems in one, there will be problems in the other. The next ashram is grastha.
Vanaprastha is after living as a grastha, after the first grandchild is born. The person retires from active pursuit of artha kama and goes to a van (forest) and its a time of tapas and learning to be with oneself. Life of solitude and prayer. If he is physically fit and lives the lifestyle of a sanyasi.
Dharma Shashtri has niyams that you have to follow.
Tyaga is giving up mental and physical concerns. Living a life of a bhikshu. In every ashram one is bound by obligation and indebt ness. One is released from all of this in Vanaprastha.
Grashta- Decides to get married. Reasons can be companionship, make someone happy, peer pressure. To be a happy fulfilled person you have to feel that you are doing things in a right way. Marriage should not be from the same lineage. From the mother’s side it should be at least 5 times removed and 7 times removed from the father side. Relationship where we complement each other, those people should get married. A person remains half until they get married then they became complete. That is the nature of creation. Whole samskara of marriage reaffirms and reestablishes rituals.
Ashrama means that which sustains living a life of tapas. It is not meant to constrain but instead to give us a direction in life.
A typical life of a householder is prayer and worship. Living a life of moderation is important, even in eating. Act mature and be non reactive. For growth to take place you need a conducive environment, in order to clean up the mess. This environment will help me see myself, be supportive, caring this will help me nourish and heal. I need an environment that I can trust. These necessities are provided in a mature relationship where there is a commitment and security. Otherwise anytime I displease someone they go away. I feel comfortable enough to feel myself.
Non judgmental and uncritical way then this will help me undo things within myself. So marriage is about commitment. Then you make a resolve to the other person and yourself to ensure that you keep your commitment in a marriage.
Self correction done on emotional and personal level when environment is conducive. Then two people grow at the same time, not one at the expense of another. We all have different areas of maturity. Self knowledge knows who I am my nature and my swarupa.
The usual mind has a lot of problems looking at things how they are. Everything is seen subjectively. My mind has to have a capacity to look at myself, not live defensively and not put up guards. Cognitively I can understand concepts, but here it is not outside yourself. I am a part of this equation. It’s important to have a simple mind that does not have too many complexes, it sees things as they are, and it sees the obvious. The mind that has fewer projections and more shraddha you will gain gyanam.
Attachment and dispassion.
For 2 people to be compatible in every way is very difficult. But as long as both are growing it is ok. If the spouse is anukulam (compatible) then it is swarga (heaven). If the two are working against each other, then no doubt you are living in hell. What makes things Anukulam and what makes them Pratikulam.
Some factors that make a relationship Anukulam.
My rights I demand while others demand theirs, instead if we think of them as duties to perform it will be different. I gain from the performance of my duty; I get a sense of fulfillment.
We come from different experiences, so we cannot be similar. How to make those differences work in our favor. Look at yourself as an individual relating to another individual. Ashrama becames a Sadhana, we should see Marriage also as a sadhana. What is the end ? Personal growth? One has to play different roles in society, for that you need a sense of security. We should not lose our individuality in the process. These attitudes bring about a sense of harmony in the home.
Being reactive is also not helpful. Lots of people react aggressively in the dinning table. How they react to food is very important. It shows a fulfillment of a basic need. Some people react angrily if the salt is too much or too little. It is not based on reality but instead it is based on projections.
A certain degree of self awareness is important, so one can look at oneself and then see how to respond.
Not knowing the difference between fulfilling ones needs and being overly needy. Whatever comes is not enough, does not give contentment or satisfaction. It has to do with a sense of being deprived. People who have low self esteem have these issues. On the other hand a person may have too much then they will still feel that they do not have enough.
Control is another important issue. In adulthood we need to sort out our issues. We are controlling when we feel not in control. It is a way to overcompensate. In life there are things that are out of our control, some people deal with it while others cannot deal with it. It is a defensive tactic. We try to control parents, children and spouses. Learning how to deal with unexpected changes is an important lesson.
Being a parent is a very important lesson to again go through childhood. Time does not come back. When we have the capacity we do not have the wisdom, when we have the wisdom we do not have the capacity.
When we have children we have to become a teacher, so we have to relearn all that I did not know. We gain certain clarity about our life. It is more than a commitment than a marriage. They are there to stay and harass you as long as you are around. Parenting helps one grow.
Trusting somebody is important. We all trust and mistrust it depends on the situation.
But what degree of trust am I capable of trusting. If I am not trusted I lose trust in the other person. If I do not have a capacity of trust I will not trust people. We have to rediscover the capacity to trust. We will only trust that who is not fallible, that person is only god.
If I do not react, then I am accommodating the other person or I have shanti. But for that I need to have trust and something bigger. This is all a process of growth and an opportunity for self growth.
The one who has shraddha gains gyanam, it is based on trust of the guru. Cognitively we need to look at the bigger picture.
Anger is another reaction to frustration. It is a very uncomfortable feeling. There are different expressions of anger. Men and women show anger differently. Men express anger by fight or flight. They hurt by criticizing, putting them down, saying hurtful things. They do it because they are hurting. This is how they deal with their anger. Or they withdraw or back off. You act like the person does not exist, or you withhold attention, caring and affection. Women act like it does not bother them, they minimize the whole thing, and they fake it. But that does not work because it is not true or honest and it leads to more hurt or they go along with it. This leads to a loss of individuality. They try to keep the peace, an enabling kind of thing. This leads to depression. It is important to express it as it is. This takes a simple mind. Saying I feel hurt is important. A simple mind can be what it is.
How does our tradition envision a couple at the end of the maturing process. Agnividya and Maitreya. Are these things that you are ready to give up, will they make me happy. He teachers Brahma vidya. Both of them in this story a certain degree of tyaga is necessary both have as much tyaga as each other. Both have reached the point. Single people form a unit of one, once you get married that unit, is shared by 2 halfs each person being half a unit. But at the same time remaining a full complete person.
Each society has its own idea of how people should live and interact with each other and live with others. In the Vedic Tradition this idea is also present. It is to maintain a certain degree of harmony. Is this topic still relevant? We are more modern now. Things evolve. Knowledge keeps growing.
But when it comes to do with oneself. How much has changed since 1000’s of years ago.
Valmiki wrote the Ramayan. He asked Narada who strides many worlds, is there a person who has gunas like right and wrong, is strong is a dharmagyani. Who is able to translate knowledge into actions? He is Satyavan. He is a man of resolve. People like to relate to him. People do not like to deal with people who are pains. He is not a victim of his own emotions. Someone who is non reactive, has conquered his anger and envy. All these qualities put together a person.
The positive qualities in a person have not changed so the age old Dharma Shastras are still relevant. Dharma Shastra is a manual on how to live ones life on a personal level and in society. Human behavior is not self operating. Animals like monkeys have behavior that is self operating. There confrontations are to do with creating a hierarchy.
Human beings have a freedom of choice, so certain guidelines are important for behavior. Animals are preprogrammed we are not. We are not born with a capacity to make good choices. But the time we are ready to figure it out we are usually too old. Therefore we need an instruction manual. The manual also tells us about the purpose of life. We need to improve on our environment. Scriptures help discover meaning in life.
Syambhu (Manu) tells his son to became a grashatha and take on the life of a householder. But his son is more spiritual and not interested in the mundane world. A jeeva is born to experience the world, in birth and death. You are born to do Karma and experience the karma of past actions, through sukha and dukha. The jagat manifests and everyone is subject to it, including myself Brahma and lord Shiva. In the process he grows and learns.
How we view human experience is different in east and west.
I am born and what relationship do I have with others. Freedom is the final end. Another way of looking at human experience is more western. The bigger scheme is here, I am a participant. The world has been created for human consumption. Whatever there is in the world, since humans are the most evolved its all here for my consumption. I have to consume, subjugate, conquer and use. I have to change my environment to suit my needs. Consumption is not just eating, but also includes enjoyment. I protect my right to enjoy them. If I was concerned about sanctity of animals, I would not protect one and eat another. End result to give oneself time to enjoy. So much available, but my capacity to enjoy is limited.
How am I going to experience this world? Live purely a consumer based on likes and dislikes (Raga Dvesha). Or am I part of a larger picture. Or do I like a non consumer oriented life.
The Vedas are a body of knowledge complied in 4 different sections, basically saying the same thing.
There is another body of knowledge called Vedantagas- consisting of phonetics, grammar, miter, etymology, know how of performing rituals, astrology.
Sutra is a brief cryptic statement.
Values are mentioned in Kalpa Sutras
Dharma Sutras talk in detail about individual conduct, as members of a society and family.
Dharma shastras is a body of knowledge that deals with conduct and behavior on a personal level for the purpose of helping me do things.
At the end of life we should have a sense of resolution or fulfillment.
The tradition has a vision of human beings achieving this freedom. The goal is the basis of my very existence, and I can live my life as an expression of that fulfillment and contentment. The path is hard, and the process becames an expression of the actualization of the goal. Dharma does not become a shackle but creates a harmony about my existence. This is the subject matter.
Many books are written by Rishis or Smriti’s eg Manusmiriti. There are 18 Smritis available, each emphasize different elements.
In addition to that we have in India regional Smritis based on culture. Nibandagranthas.
How did the rules and regulations come about?
Are they like driving rules?
The rishis asked Vyasa. He said I studied it from my father.
He says these dharmas are the same as the ones in previous Yugas Centuries. At the end of KalYuga they go away. Only Brahma will remember these rules. Manifest of the unmanifest and the manifested again. You either work with harmony with it or against it, that is your choice.
This is how the whole idea of dharma and adharma is understood. Ultimately the right and wrong is connected to the vision of the Vedas and with which our whole life is connected.
Why is it necessary to live a life of dharma?
Growth is an important thing, physical growth does not insure cognitive growth. Cognitive growth does not insure emotional growth. Because I am informed and intelligent Emotional growth does not insure spiritual growth. One does not insure that the other will be there. In the Vedic vision living with spiritual values helps you lead a good life towards freedom or moksha. Yoga shashtra is a life of discipline and study. This leads to freedom of sansara and janama. The sansar binds you as a consumer, draws you in and binds you in. If you recognize karma, janma also becomes bondage. Dharma is duty.
What duties are expected of me as a person. They vary depending on the human being. But there are some general prescriptions. These are grouped under Varna and Ashrama Dharma.
Varna is explained as caste. Based on inner qualities and work that you do.
Ashrama dharma is a stage of growth. Depending on your age your requirements are different. By performing the duties, a person becomes a mature person. There are some universal values that are within the context of dharma. Truthfulness is a universal value. As is not hurting each other. First stage is pre marriage Brahmacharya. Before 7 he lives according to his natural instinct, as he wishes he eats talks etc. Not liable for his actions. It takes about 14 years for a person to mature. Emphasis is on study and being a student.
After age of 7 kids realize intent. Also at this stage it’s a life of austerity. Some degree of mastery over likes and dislikes comes later with the practice of austerity now. Service to teachers and parents with emphasis on prayers. This is a learning period. Secular and religious education. Secular education teaches you how to pursue artha karma (securities and pleasure). Religious education is for the weekend here. In the Vedic tradition everything is sacred. The spiritual pervades the secular. Your artha karma has to be in the rubric of the spiritual. It cannot be isolated from a through understanding of write and wrong. They are learning to negotiate there identity in the world.
We can recognize it by understanding how to use today. What is priority what is not as a parent one has to decide? Help your child negotiate through the system. Give your child clear messages. This cannot be separated from a person’s life. After completing brahmacharya education he comes back, with a good sense of dharma. And is ready to embark on a new phase of life.
He should not remain in no mans land. He should continue study or live a life of a householder.
One phase prepares you for the second phase of development. If there are problems in one, there will be problems in the other. The next ashram is grastha.
Vanaprastha is after living as a grastha, after the first grandchild is born. The person retires from active pursuit of artha kama and goes to a van (forest) and its a time of tapas and learning to be with oneself. Life of solitude and prayer. If he is physically fit and lives the lifestyle of a sanyasi.
Dharma Shashtri has niyams that you have to follow.
Tyaga is giving up mental and physical concerns. Living a life of a bhikshu. In every ashram one is bound by obligation and indebt ness. One is released from all of this in Vanaprastha.
Grashta- Decides to get married. Reasons can be companionship, make someone happy, peer pressure. To be a happy fulfilled person you have to feel that you are doing things in a right way. Marriage should not be from the same lineage. From the mother’s side it should be at least 5 times removed and 7 times removed from the father side. Relationship where we complement each other, those people should get married. A person remains half until they get married then they became complete. That is the nature of creation. Whole samskara of marriage reaffirms and reestablishes rituals.
Ashrama means that which sustains living a life of tapas. It is not meant to constrain but instead to give us a direction in life.
A typical life of a householder is prayer and worship. Living a life of moderation is important, even in eating. Act mature and be non reactive. For growth to take place you need a conducive environment, in order to clean up the mess. This environment will help me see myself, be supportive, caring this will help me nourish and heal. I need an environment that I can trust. These necessities are provided in a mature relationship where there is a commitment and security. Otherwise anytime I displease someone they go away. I feel comfortable enough to feel myself.
Non judgmental and uncritical way then this will help me undo things within myself. So marriage is about commitment. Then you make a resolve to the other person and yourself to ensure that you keep your commitment in a marriage.
Self correction done on emotional and personal level when environment is conducive. Then two people grow at the same time, not one at the expense of another. We all have different areas of maturity. Self knowledge knows who I am my nature and my swarupa.
The usual mind has a lot of problems looking at things how they are. Everything is seen subjectively. My mind has to have a capacity to look at myself, not live defensively and not put up guards. Cognitively I can understand concepts, but here it is not outside yourself. I am a part of this equation. It’s important to have a simple mind that does not have too many complexes, it sees things as they are, and it sees the obvious. The mind that has fewer projections and more shraddha you will gain gyanam.
Attachment and dispassion.
For 2 people to be compatible in every way is very difficult. But as long as both are growing it is ok. If the spouse is anukulam (compatible) then it is swarga (heaven). If the two are working against each other, then no doubt you are living in hell. What makes things Anukulam and what makes them Pratikulam.
Some factors that make a relationship Anukulam.
My rights I demand while others demand theirs, instead if we think of them as duties to perform it will be different. I gain from the performance of my duty; I get a sense of fulfillment.
We come from different experiences, so we cannot be similar. How to make those differences work in our favor. Look at yourself as an individual relating to another individual. Ashrama becames a Sadhana, we should see Marriage also as a sadhana. What is the end ? Personal growth? One has to play different roles in society, for that you need a sense of security. We should not lose our individuality in the process. These attitudes bring about a sense of harmony in the home.
Being reactive is also not helpful. Lots of people react aggressively in the dinning table. How they react to food is very important. It shows a fulfillment of a basic need. Some people react angrily if the salt is too much or too little. It is not based on reality but instead it is based on projections.
A certain degree of self awareness is important, so one can look at oneself and then see how to respond.
Not knowing the difference between fulfilling ones needs and being overly needy. Whatever comes is not enough, does not give contentment or satisfaction. It has to do with a sense of being deprived. People who have low self esteem have these issues. On the other hand a person may have too much then they will still feel that they do not have enough.
Control is another important issue. In adulthood we need to sort out our issues. We are controlling when we feel not in control. It is a way to overcompensate. In life there are things that are out of our control, some people deal with it while others cannot deal with it. It is a defensive tactic. We try to control parents, children and spouses. Learning how to deal with unexpected changes is an important lesson.
Being a parent is a very important lesson to again go through childhood. Time does not come back. When we have the capacity we do not have the wisdom, when we have the wisdom we do not have the capacity.
When we have children we have to become a teacher, so we have to relearn all that I did not know. We gain certain clarity about our life. It is more than a commitment than a marriage. They are there to stay and harass you as long as you are around. Parenting helps one grow.
Trusting somebody is important. We all trust and mistrust it depends on the situation.
But what degree of trust am I capable of trusting. If I am not trusted I lose trust in the other person. If I do not have a capacity of trust I will not trust people. We have to rediscover the capacity to trust. We will only trust that who is not fallible, that person is only god.
If I do not react, then I am accommodating the other person or I have shanti. But for that I need to have trust and something bigger. This is all a process of growth and an opportunity for self growth.
The one who has shraddha gains gyanam, it is based on trust of the guru. Cognitively we need to look at the bigger picture.
Anger is another reaction to frustration. It is a very uncomfortable feeling. There are different expressions of anger. Men and women show anger differently. Men express anger by fight or flight. They hurt by criticizing, putting them down, saying hurtful things. They do it because they are hurting. This is how they deal with their anger. Or they withdraw or back off. You act like the person does not exist, or you withhold attention, caring and affection. Women act like it does not bother them, they minimize the whole thing, and they fake it. But that does not work because it is not true or honest and it leads to more hurt or they go along with it. This leads to a loss of individuality. They try to keep the peace, an enabling kind of thing. This leads to depression. It is important to express it as it is. This takes a simple mind. Saying I feel hurt is important. A simple mind can be what it is.
How does our tradition envision a couple at the end of the maturing process. Agnividya and Maitreya. Are these things that you are ready to give up, will they make me happy. He teachers Brahma vidya. Both of them in this story a certain degree of tyaga is necessary both have as much tyaga as each other. Both have reached the point. Single people form a unit of one, once you get married that unit, is shared by 2 halfs each person being half a unit. But at the same time remaining a full complete person.
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